Maybe I’m Not Supposed to Know Yet

I actually started job hunting early this month, and surprisingly, things moved way faster than I expected.

I quickly received an email from Company A's recruiter about a position, and of course, I said yes. Just one day later, she invited me for an interview.

Then, on the day of my interview with Company A, just a few hours before it, I received a call from Company B asking if I would like to have an interview the next day.

And of course, I said yes again. 

So there I was, interviewing with Company A, and I guessed I performed quite well because a week later, I was invited for a second interview with the director.

As for Company B, I actually received the news that I had been shortlisted for the role just 30 minutes after the interview. Thirty minutes! I was like, okay… that was fast.

But here comes the plot twist.

I was slightly biased towards Company A because the position was something I had never tried before. Company B, on the other hand, offered me a position that was almost similar to my previous engineering job, just in a different department.

So basically, it was:

New experience vs. old routine.

And after thinking about it carefully, I decided to decline Company B's offer.

The funny thing? At that point, I still didn't have an offer from Company A.

So yes, I basically rejected an actual offer while waiting for a company that hadn't even offered me anything yet.

Risky? Definitely.

Questionable decision? Maybe.

But somehow, I felt that I really wanted to give myself the chance to try something new.

And then, back to Company A.

I had my second interview with the manager and director. The manager told me that if I received any news within the next two weeks, it would be good news.

And then, about 30 minutes later, the recruiter emailed me asking to schedule a call.

So I had the call, and she told me that the interview had turned out to be fruitful. It kind of felt like an HR screening call too.

But honestly, I always thought the process was supposed to be:

HR screening → Manager interview → Director interview → offer.

But they did:

Manager → Director → HR.

So… okay?  Weird, but who am I to question their recruitment process?

The recruiter told me that she would get back to me within a week.

And today is exactly one week since that call.

She called me last week today at 5 p.m.

It is now past 5 p.m.

And…

Nothing.

No email.

No call.

No news.

And here comes the part where my brain starts doing what it does best: overthinking.

I am actually NOT a nonchalant person at all. I have a million things running through my head most of the time.

My brain basically works 24/7.

I think about the possible outcomes. I imagine different scenarios. I predict what might happen, and then I start thinking about what I should do if that happens. Then I think about what I should do if it doesn't happen. Then I think about what happens if THAT doesn't happen.

You get the idea.

I really don't like unpredictable situations.

And that's why I'm writing all of this down again.

I need to get everything out of my head before my brain starts creating problems that don't even exist yet.

Because I'm currently not working and have plenty of free time, I have way too much time to think. And unfortunately, my brain is very creative when it comes to overthinking.

So I really want some peace in my head.

I think I need to slowly get back into the habit of writing things down again. Sometimes, I just need to take all those thoughts out of my head, put them on paper, and remind myself that I don't have to solve everything immediately.

And recently, I also started to realise something about God's will in my life.

Looking back, so many things felt completely random. They were like scattered puzzle pieces that didn't seem to make any sense at the time.

But now, things are becoming clearer.

And somehow, I'm starting to see how the pieces fit together.

I think I've said this before: God always leads the way. He doesn't necessarily tell us exactly what to do, but He guides us along the way.

I remember the sermon last Sunday where our brother in Christ said that to love is to give someone freedom.

And I think that's also why God doesn't simply tell us exactly what to do.

He gives us the freedom to choose.

If we choose the wrong path, He will let us know. Sometimes, we realise it because the path becomes difficult, or things simply don't work out the way we thought they would.

And if it is the right path, there will be God's blessings along the way.

Just look at my own journey.

I was granted my visa. I got to experience New Zealand. I came back and started job hunting in a pretty difficult job market. And somehow, I still managed to land interviews and even receive an offer.

How can I not see that as God's blessing?

It is His doing in my life.

I didn't understand many of these things back in 2023, 2024 or even 2025.

But I think I can see them now.

And recently, I came across this quote:

"Forgive yourself for not knowing earlier what only time could teach."

And wow.

I resonate with that so much.

It honestly felt like someone suddenly hit me over the head with a hammer and everything became clearer.

Maybe I wasn't supposed to understand everything back then.

Maybe I just needed time.

Maybe some things only make sense when you finally look back.

And maybe that's also what is happening with this job.

I still don't know whether I will get the offer from Company A.

And honestly, I would be lying if I said I wasn't hoping for it.

Of course I want it.

But if it is God's will for me not to have it, then I believe there is a reason behind it.

Maybe I don't see the reason now.

Maybe I won't understand it immediately.

But I believe God will always prepare the path that is best suited for me, even if it isn't the path I originally wanted.

So for now, I guess I just have to wait.

Which, for someone who hates uncertainty and whose brain runs 24/7, is probably a pretty good exercise in learning how to trust God. 

''Heavenly Father, I come to You today with a humble and open heart.

Thank You for my skills, my experiences, and the talents You have blessed me with.

Lord, I ask that You open the doors that no man can close. If this position is truly aligned with Your plan for my life and my family, I pray that You secure this job offer for me.

Please clear away any obstacles standing in the way, and grant the hiring team favor, wisdom, and clarity as they make their final decision.

While I wait, replace my anxiety and fear with Your perfect peace. Help me to trust in Your timing and to remember that You will provide for all my needs.

Whatever the outcome, I commit my work and my future into Your hands.

Help me to accept what You have prepared for me, even when it is different from what I had planned for myself.

And above all, let me remember that Your plans are greater than mine.

I give You all the praise and glory.

In Jesus' name, I pray.

Amen.''