A Tale of Overthinking and Self-Discovery

I’m back at the office after my 4-day holiday, and the amount of work that has piled up, waiting for me to tackle, is unimaginable. It was then that I realized I can never finish my job. It's like playing a never-ending game of Whack-a-Mole—finish one task, and boom, another pops up! And this cycle will continue until the day I retire, which at this rate, might be never. I just can’t picture myself doing the same job for the next 50 years. (You can probably guess my age from that!) I can’t even picture myself in 5 days, let alone 50 years. I’m just hoping the future comes with a pause button.

Y'all may say I think too much, but honestly, I can’t stop my brain from running a marathon of thoughts... Have y'all ever tried the famous MBTI test? I’ve done it a few times, and my result changed from INFP to INFJ-T—talk about a personality glow-up. They say this type of personality thinks a lot, and honestly, that’s an understatement. INFJs are self-conscious, stress-sensitive, and perfectionistic. We feel unsure sometimes, but we’re also determined to fix everything, including our coffee order. The more research I did on INFJs, the more I was like, ‘Yep, that’s me—overthinking everything and proud of it!’

Never knew I was this introverted...

I've deactivated my Instagram and Facebook for a week now, and let me tell you, it’s been so peaceful—like, ‘Why didn’t I do this sooner?’ peaceful. Sometimes social media gives me the wrong idea, like I should be out there doing the same things as my friends when they post their glamorous lives. Like when I see them traveling to exotic places and eating fancy food, I catch myself thinking, 'Why am I sitting in my room in pajamas watching cat videos instead of living my best life?' And that's when I spiral into a full-on existential crisis, complete with snacks and self-doubt. 

Without the two famous social media apps on my phone, I've turned to Xiao Hong Shu (XHS) – a Chinese app where I can basically be anyone because, let’s face it, nobody knows me there. I follow whoever I like, and the best part? I don’t have to worry about people not following me back (looking at you, Instagram…). It’s like a social media utopia where I can scroll in peace and avoid the drama of ‘Did they unfollow me?’ But I’ve realized some people just don’t care about followers on Instagram. I wish I could be like that… but it’s probably going to take me a lifetime to learn to stop obsessing over it. I really should focus on myself instead of wondering who’s following me. After all, doing what I love matters most!

But still, the fewer people you interact with, the less drama and trouble you get sucked into. So, I’m taking a little vacation from social media—until I’m ready to come back and dive into the chaos again. No rush!

Help.. this is so me...