Ulcers & Life’s Crispy Mistakes

After a few days of indulging in high-calorie food (because, obviously, life’s too short to count calories), a wild ulcer appeared in my mouth. It’s like clockwork at this point—I’ve noticed a pattern. These little evil spots always set up camp on my gums at the back of my mouth. Seriously, what did my poor gums ever do to deserve this?

Once, during my time at my last company, I got hit with an ulcer so bad that even the doctor was like, “Nope, you need a day off.” The pain was that unbearable. It felt like the ulcer was somehow directly connected to my brain’s main control center, and every time I moved my mouth (you know, for basic survival like eating or speaking), it would pull at the ulcer, sending shockwaves of pain straight to my head. I swear, it felt like the ulcer was holding my entire nervous system hostage.

Oh, and the fun doesn’t stop there! These ulcers can stick around for up to a week—yes, a week. No joke. Once, I had multiple ulcers that decided to unite like some kind of evil superhero team. They expanded and fused into one massive mega-ulcer, like they were plotting world domination inside my mouth. And let me tell you, that was hands down the most torturous experience of my life. Even breathing felt like a personal attack from my own body. God help me.

I’ve decided to put fried food on pause for a while—because, clearly, my mouth has declared war on me. But let’s be honest, humans never actually learn from their mistakes. Give it a few weeks, and I’ll probably be back munching on fries, chips, and anything crispy like nothing ever happened.

Life really is just one big circle, isn’t it? The same mistakes, the same regrets, the same ulcers popping up to remind me I’m terrible at self-control. It’s like my body is saying, “Oh, you think you’re safe now? Think again.” It’s a vicious cycle. But hey, at least it keeps life interesting... and my doctor employed.

this was the cause of my ulcer...