Feeling Too Much

Lunch: 2.50 SGD

I consider myself a sensitive person—someone who deeply feels for others, who always tries to see things from their perspective. But this ability often turns against me, making me overthink every situation. Am I not good enough? Am I not doing enough? Or am I simply too weak to handle all of this?

I have moments where stress consumes me, but I don’t want my family—or anyone—to see me as weak because of it. And yet, maybe I am. Maybe I’m just fragile, like glass, ready to shatter at any moment. When these feelings become overwhelming, my only escape is to curl up under my blanket and cry myself to sleep. The weight of my emotions feels like a heavy stone pressing down on me, making it harder to breathe, harder to think. The headaches are constant now.

Am I wrong for feeling this way? Or am I just not enough?

The other day, I had a video call with my family. My mom hinted that I was running away. But I don’t understand—if something suffocates you, if it drains the life out of you, aren’t you supposed to leave? Isn’t that what survival means? But right now, I feel like I’m barely surviving. Nothing feels right anymore.

And sometimes, I wish I had the courage to just leave everything behind—to disappear, to escape, to be free.

I talk to myself a lot. I pray before I sleep. But maybe I’ve fooled myself into thinking I matter more than I do. Maybe this is some kind of punishment, a consequence of not listening, of not being enough.