Sleepless Thoughts

Lunch: 2.30 SGD

Hey guys, I haven’t been sleeping well these past few days. I think I really need to sleep earlier tonight, so I’m aiming for 10 PM. Honestly, my eyelids are fighting each other right now. But I don’t want to go to bed yet because I haven’t had any time to just enjoy myself.

It’s Monday, and surprisingly, today was quite peaceful. There were still tons of issues, but I’m seriously counting down the days until I resign. One interesting thing that happened today—I bumped into the recruiter who hired me while I was on my way to the toilet. She asked if I was doing okay, and I just said I was fine. But in reality? Not at all.

Every morning, I drag myself to work, dreading how my manager is going to dump more tasks on me. Just thinking about it now is making it hard to breathe. At my last job, I knew it was time to quit when I started dreaming about work non-stop for a whole week. And guess what? It’s happening again. I haven’t been sleeping well ever since.

When my mom asks how work is, I just tell her I’m okay because it’s easier that way—less explaining, fewer questions. But she probably wouldn’t understand anyway. Her generation believes in working hard no matter what. But for ours? Working hard doesn’t always pay off. Maybe we’re just made of glass—fragile and breakable. Maybe that’s why so many people struggle with anxiety and depression these days.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I could be a tiny ant. Not because they’re hardworking, but because they’re so small they can just be stepped on and disappear. No pain, no worries. Okay, I’m getting too emotional again. I don’t even know how to stop feeling like this. And if I keep going at this job, I’m pretty sure I’ll burn out and break down eventually.

So many little things happened today that made everything worse, but I don’t even have the energy to talk about them. Just thinking about it makes me feel weak and nauseous. I really need to stop overthinking. I’ll just try to process everything on my own and look forward to the weekend.